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‘The whole Heath should be made a nudist zone’ said a spokesman for the recently formed ’Heath for Nudes’ group at a packed meeting on the fringes of the Heath. ‘Recent proposals to turn the changing rooms at the Men’s Pond into nude bathing areas don’t go anywhere near far enough,’ he added. ‘After all, we’re all naked under our clothes.’
Calling the petition presented to the Heath Management Committee last year the work of unprincipled splitists, the ‘Heath for Nudes’ group has drawn up a bi-monthly plan of direct action. - February: Nude tobogganing down Parliament Hill (weather permitting).
- April: Nude thistle clearance to ready the Heath for the Green Flag Award judges.
- June: Nude performance of ‘The Magic Flute,’ Parliament Hill bandstand.
- August: Nude wrestling on the Heath Extension with a special prize for the over 60s.
- October: Nude conkers and cream teas on the terrace at Kenwood Terrace.
- December: Nude carols and roasted chestnuts by firelight on Hampstead High Street .
The spokeman continued: ‘What could be greener than nude? Be it sunburned pink or frozen blue, naked flesh is always green. We demand the freedom to roam the Heath naked. Have you been in that corrugated cow shed that passes as the nude bathing area in the Men’s Pond. I wouldn’t keep a deaf blind Friesian in there. And anyway it makes no sense to have a nude bathing area so close to the freezing waters of the pond. After all the last thing you want to do is disport yourself when you’ve frozen the little feller to the size of a peanut. You want somewhere to show off your wares, a place to luxuriate in the warming rays of the sun, the terrace at Kenwood always springs to my mind.’
‘We call upon the Heath Superintendant Simon Lee and the Heath and Hampstead Society’s Chairman Tony Hillier to take the lead and show us what they’re made of. Our group has too many members to ignore and we’re sure that if they all stand up to be counted the City will be forced to take notice.’
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